by Pat GOrge-Walker
Sister Cray Zee, dressed in a tan, low-cut Muumuu, slowly made her way up the two blue carpeted steps leading onto the church dais. It was the third Sunday of the month which meant it was time for the forty-two year old former mental patient to give the church announcements. It was also the time for her to take five minutes to straighten her raspberry-colored wig. For reasons never revealed the wig always fell over one eye which made her look like a yellow Miss Potato Head with hair ala Hedy Lamar.
Sister Cray Zee received her news items for the churchs monthly newsletter, B.L.A.B. (Braggarts, Liars and Busybodies) from the churchs premier blabbermouth, Sister Carrie Onn. It usually meant that most of the news was not true, just interesting.
She rustled her papers, straightened her wig, and adjusted the cordless microphone after sipping a little water to down four Prozac pills; two more than she actually needed, and begun.
I thank Reverend Knott Enuff Money for giving me this opportunity to once more come before yall and tell you whats been happening with some of our congregation members. She stopped long enough to let the immediate effect of the Prozac do its thing and then continued-Now for the B.L.A.B. news.
Brother X. Con, who sometimes attends this church when he cant make it to the Mosque across town got arrested-again. It seems this time, he decided to try and rob the downtown areas, Broke Savings Bank. He used one of his thumbs and a finger to pretend he had a gun. It wouldve worked if he hadnt taken his hand out of his pocket to give the teller his note. Hed appreciate it if after the third offering collection this morning we would take up an extra one to bail him out.
Now, yall know this is about the fourth time Brother X. Con has come to us for assistance and frankly, Im tired of him. About two years ago he was locked up for doing almost the same thing. He pretended to have a gun and forced a woman to drive him to three ATM bank machines where he withdrew money from his own account and wondered how the police found him. -And they say Im a little off!
By then the Prozac was in full effect and she saw no reason to slack up on her attack on poor but confused, Brother X. Con. However, Reverend Knott Enuff Money could take no more. She was about to kill the spirit of giving that had permeated throughout the sanctuary for the past hour and three offerings. He had to shut her up.
The Reverend sprung from his seat with his purple floor length robe billowing around him like a Wizard and Jheri Curl juice spraying everyone within ten feet of the pulpit. Now lets not forget the time when you, Sister Cray Zee got arrested and placed in a line up. The police told all the women in the line up to repeat the words Its twenty dollars for fifteen minutes, or my place or yours. And you hollered out, thats not what I said!
Of course, the exchange between Reverend Knott Enuff Money and Sister Cray Zee escalated until Bishop Was Nevercalled finally stood up and separated the two of them but not before he had leaned over and collected the five-dollar bet he had on Sister Cray Zee from Reverend Over Priced who sat stoically in the third red-cushioned chair on the dais.
Well, like the motto of the Aint Nobody Else Right But Us-All Others Goin To Hell Church says, Dont Let Worry Kill You Off-Let the Church Help!
Don't forget to visit my website for the best in Gospel Comedy
http://www.sisterbetty.com/ A One-of-A-Kind Gospel Comedy Experience
Proud member of AA-AHA http://www.aa-aha.org/
African American Authors Helping Authors
Presenting the First Annual Self-Published Awards (SPA)
Queens, NY--May 2002
Featuring Parry 'EbonySatin' Brown
The Hottest Writing Contest of the year....AHA (Authors Helping
Log onto www.AA-AHA.org for details.....You got to be in IT to win IT!
Coming Soon! A new novel from Pat G'Orge-Walker
The Criminal Justice System calls him to Trial.
Sing Sing Prison calls him, Inmate #09388382
Yet, Stone Mountain, Georgia's Reverend James Elbert calls himself, a man who is ---"Walking In David's Shoes"
Don't forget to visit my website for the best in Gospel Comedy A One-of-A-Kind Gospel Comedy Experience (Keyword to: http://www.sisterbetty.com/)
Sister Betty! God's Calling You!
Sister Connie Fuse Makes A Grave Mistake
Publicist: Journey's End
www.authorsontour.com (Keyword to: http://www.journeysend.8m.com/)
www.journeys-endliterary.org (Keyword to: http://www.journeys-endliterary.org/)
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(c) 2000 by Pat G'Orge-Walker
Chronicles of Humor 1:1 (Keyword to: http://chroniclesofhumor11.go.cc )
Another hilarious misadventure for Sister Betty as she tries to take the Late Mother Eternal Everlasting's huge donation to a well known church in California. You know Reverend Knott Enuff Money is not standing for that. He's has made plans to spend the money for his "spiritual purposes."
Read the excerpts.. New Releases at Gospel Komedy 2000 ....http://hometown.aol.com//pat248/pat248/index.html
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with more sites to come.
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See how they praise God...you do the opposite. They think ain't nobody right but them...the rest of us...goin' to hell.
It is my intention to draw attention to God's message of love through humor. If we can love God, whom we have never seen, yet cannot love the ones we can see, then we have missed God's entire message.
1 John 4:20 "If a man says, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?"
Sister Betty! God's Calling You! $5.00 ea
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