How are you communicating in your marriage?

“So, I was thinking that maybe it would be a good idea if we took a weekend trip over there. You know, it would really be a lot of fun, and a great blessing in our marriage! What do you think?”
After a few seconds with no response, she stopped cleaning the room to turn and look over at her husband. His eyes were vacant, staring deeply into the television, with remote in hand. She walked over and stood in front of the television.
“Hello? Did you hear anything I said?”
Her husband looked up at her, slightly annoyed. “Yes, honey, I heard you,” he mumbles.
“Uh-huh. If you heard me, how about you tell me what you think about what I said.” Her husband looked at her blankly, a sly smile forming on his lips. She returns the stare, unsurprised that he wasn’t listening. In fact, she has grown accustomed to fighting for his attention to even start a conversation.
Sometimes we have to ask ourselves: is growing accustomed to our husband’s non-communication skills really helping our relationship? Growing accustomed to something means we are used to it, habituating ourselves to it, becoming familiar with it and not expecting any change. Far too often, when we don’t expect a change in something or someone, we may not even bother praying for change. I once read somewhere that an average woman speaks nearly three times as many words per day as the average man. I don’t know how true that is, but if it is, then suffice it to say, we women can talk. (Heck, we probably don’t need any statistics to confirm it.)
In many homes today, I think marriages would improve incredibly if good communication existed between both parties. Communication is a major key to building strong marriages, families and relationships in general. In far too many marriages today you’ll find people constantly talking, but no one is genuinely listening. When people marry, do they really understand the importance of communication in their marriage? Do they grasp that intimate, honest communication is one of the keys to a lasting relationship?
Webster’s dictionary defines the word communication as “an act or instance of transmitting.” It says communication is a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs or behavior.
The Bible speaks of how God used angels to communicate with people (and still does today). It tells us how, as Christians, the Holy Spirit communicates with us regularly. Finally, His Word also teaches us how we can communicate with the Lord directly through prayer.
True communication involves a balance between talking and listening. Family therapists not only pinpoint a lack of communication as a source of family unhappiness, they also pinpoint that poor communication causes unhappiness (according to The Family Dynamics Institute http://www.familydynamics.net.)
Communicating for God is also very important. God spoke the world into existence in Genesis when He said, “Let there be light.” After creating Adam and Eve, the scripture tells us that God communicated to them, saying “…be fruitful and multiply.” So, if communicating for God is important, how important should it be for us in our own relationships?
In addition, personal communicating with God is very important. Before I snap at my husband, I have finally learned to communicate with God through prayer first. In my experience, when I take my marital frustrations to God first, I usually don’t go on to argue with my husband. Especially if it is a topic that I have already previously expressed my concerns to him about. Instead, I turn it over to Him and leave it in His hands.
Perhaps, you’re reading this today, thinking, “Terri, you’ve never met my husband. I have to go and tell him two or three times.” While you may have a point, let me just say this: you have never met my husband. Yes, I have been married for 13 years, but let me please just add this DISCLAIMER – I always have reasons to come before the Lord in prayer for my marriage – writing this article does not mean we have arrived. I even stay before the Lord about things that are fine in our marriage. And after all these years, the one thing I know without question is that “prayer works.” Instead of constantly nagging my husband about the same situation, I take my requests before the Lord.
Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” I try to be mindful in doing this because the Bible also says in Proverbs 27:15: “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day.” We don’t want to be this, ladies. We don’t want to be considered a constant, annoying drip. Instead, we should seek to build our marriages through prayers that will last and endure. As our husband’s intercessors, we should also be asking the Lord to reveal to us the things that we are doing that are not pleasing to Him. As beautiful and cute as we are, I am sure we have a few things that can use some fine-tuning.
I ask every married woman right now to stop and take a moment to reflect about your communication in your marriage. Ask yourself: are there areas that could use improvement on your end? Did you sense the Lord speaking to you while you were reading this?
I think learning to be a better communicator is a wonderful goal, but remember our words need to also be backed up with action. 1 John 3:18 “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”
Dear Lord, we ask right now God in the name of Jesus Christ that you will touch every wife that is reading this today, Father. We ask that you will empower every wife to understand the importance of communication in her marriage. We thank you that you will let no corrupt word proceed out of our mouths, but only what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. Lord, please continue to pour out your wisdom into your children. We thank you in advance, in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Visit Terri Smalls at http://www.PPW.homestead.com or http://www.meetup.com/Powerfulprayingwomen

Copyright © 2008 Terri Smalls